So a few years ago my buddy was in an introductory philosophy class, and did poorly on one of his papers. What follows is the correspondence with his teacher concerning his grade. For what will become obvious as you go about reading this, I have concealed the actual names in the messages.
I tried to meet with you during your office hours today, but you were unavailable. I would like to speak with you about the grade on my final paper. The grade that was given to me brings my A to a C in the class. Why is my grade so terrible? Please respond to this e-mail. Thanks.
Student
From: student@vandals.uidaho.ed
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Student,
There is no way to say this diplomatically. Your paper was a sprawling incoherent screed. There was no discernible point, let alone any argumentation for it. Sadly, your ending caveat cannot rescue you.
This was for a philosophy class and it was judged as a philosophy paper. I gave explicit instructions regarding what I was expecting and you apparently decided to disregard those. While this is commendable in spirit, I cannot in good conscience give you a good grade as it was not what I wanted from you.
Professor
From: student@vandals.uidaho.ed
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Professor,
You're right, this paper was for a philosophy class..... a philosophy 103 class. "Spawling incoherent screed"? You need to quit taking this so seriously, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine....... dick.
Student
From: student@vandals.uidaho.ed
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CONGRATULATIONS *******, YOU'VE JUST FAILED PHIL 103!!!!!!!!!
From: professor@vandals.uidaho.ed
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Professor,
I apologize for the last e-mail, my roommate got into my vandal account and decided to play a nasty trick. I understand the reason for the grade I recieved on my final paper. I guess I will have to do well on the final exam. Please don't fail me for my roommate's actions.
Sincerely,
*******
From: *******@vandals.uidaho.ed
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Student,
You must think I'm a fool. I should have failed you at midterm for the mindless contributions you were submitting to our disscussion board. With that said, I must tell you that not only will you be failing my PHIL 103 class, but I've also been forced to report you to the Dean of Students for classroom misconduct.
Professor
From: professor@vandals.uidaho.ed
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Professor,
I'm extremely excited to fill out my teacher evaluation form this semester! Hopefully it will be one of the many poor evaluations you will receive. As a result of this, I hope you lose your job as an educator and are forced to the street due to your unemployment. A year from now I hope to see you behind Winco, weighing 78lbs, and blowing truck drivers for crack-cocaine. Thanks for the lovely semester and I hope to see you next fall!
Student
P.S. Your lectures sucked and made less sense than my shitty philosophy paper.
From: student@vandals.uidaho.ed
He is the first person I know to actually go through with what many of us have fantasized telling our professors. ******, we are all living vicariously through you at this moment, and we thank you for never failing to continuously inspire, entertain, and appall us all.
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